The Pickup…

I drove to Wal-Mart.

I took my walk of shame right up to that pharmacy counter. I stood tall and announced my name, “Julie Rothacher. R.O. T.H. A. C.H. E.R. {cause with a name like “roth-ache-r” that’s what you automatically do}. Eight. 20. Eighty four.” “Your prescription will be ready in about 10 minutes.” “Thanks” but not really. I don’t want this medicine but you don’t know that so I won’t be a jerk to you.

Take Your Tablets
{photo credit}

I wandered around looking at unnecessary plastic objects and very necessary bright colored decorations that need to be in my home before returning to the counter for my “consultation” on my medicine. The pharmacist gently looked at me and began, “Have you ever taken this medicine before?” I shook my head “No.” Trying to add a lil pep to the consultation, in a peppier voice he said, “Well, this medication is used for depression or sleeping disorders.” I flashed a meek smile. I think he thought I would confess to him which I was taking it for. He continued with a list of possible side effects as I put on a brave face hoping he and those around me would think I just had trouble sleeping.

Returning home as a bonafide pill popper I dreaded answering questions from family and friends. My husband was so supportive. With a simple, “Maybe this will help. I know you don’t want to take medicine for the rest of my life. Hopefully it will only be a short season.” conversation he promised to never ask if I’d taken my “happy pills” if I was having a rough day.

Over the next 6 months, I slowly confessed to a few of my family and friends in passing that I was taking anti-depressants. No one seemed to treat me any difeent. There has yet to be a movie made of my "episodes". Everyone’s response has been positive with fellow “pill-poppers” telling me stories of when they had to take similar stuff or are currently being “leveled out.” It may not be right but it was comforting to know other people were struggling with depression, mood swings, and imbalances.

Most days now I don’t think much of the pill added to my nightly routine. Other days I regret watching movies like The Ya Ya Sisterhood. My fears flood back like a typhoon taking over my entire being. These kinds of movies have always bred my phobia of being "crazy." While watching Sybille years ago, I was wide eyed, concerned I would be “crazy” like that. Having undisclosed family history of "mental disorders" added to the stigma of "pill poppers" being sinful or something. Mental illness is often hereditary just like "bad knees" or a heart murmur. By my family not talking about those with "issues" made me feel even more ashamed to take an antidepressant home. Some still treat mental issues different than physical one; with less understanding, sympathy; out of ignorance. I've never wanted to be the “yelling mom”. That’s why I’ve chosen to go this route. Stigmas and all.


Sorry if there wasn't much conclusion to this. I like stories with a pretty bow at the end. But I'm pretty sure this story is a work in progress and always

To Be Continued...

Three Part Series {on depression}

  1. That Day... {Monday}
  2. That Night... {Tuesday}
  3. The Pickup... {Wednesday}

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  1. Carrie Moore says:

    I’m not a pharmacist nor have I ever worked in a pharmacy, but my guess is that no one who worked there thought anything about what kind of prescription you were picking up. And I’m not one to listen to other conversations at the pick up counter because I think that’s a private matter (but I’m sure there are other people who do–but you could make up your own story about why they are there!) A few years back I had to get a Rx for Shingles which was the same medication one takes for Genital Herpes (same virus–different problems.) I was 25 and I was pretty sure the pharmacist probably thought I was treating the latter problem rather than the first!

    • I’m sure that sweet pharmacist didn’t think a thing of it. The women who checked me out said, “Oh, this. We have a Lot of people getting This one.” Weird…
      You are crack’n me up with the shingles Rx! Did you walk out of there funny just to give them a good story? ;o)

  2. I embrace the tool God has given me to help me feel more normal and enable me to seek him when I would naturally run away. I love you and know that this wasn’t easy to hit publish on! Proud of you!

  3. That pharmacist probably had just filled somebody’s herpes meds… Now they had something to be embarrassed about… Not you sweetie!

    Want a “bow tie” ending? How’s this… She had something wrong and so she took the meds and she felt better… The End…

    You will not need the meds forever, AND you children won’t need diapers forever… The “happily ever after” is thinking about how much extra money you will have in the budget when that day comes!

    • You made me LOL and I had to explain to my hubs why I was giggling in my chair across the room.
      You are sooo right! Love “The End” and that awesome “happily ever after” scenario! That day is coming a few days sooner! My middle ones decided to potty train so she could go to the same class at church with her big sis! Woooo Hoooo!!!! It’s true, the right timing really does make all the difference with the ease of potty training. Friday-Tuesday and she’s already taking herself and wiping better than my 4yo. ;o)

  4. We’re all a work in progress, my dearie.
    Thank you for your honesty and the courage to hit publish on your series. Who knows the many ladies you may have helped by doing so. Lord knows, that’s who, and that’s all that matters.
    I just continue to be more in awe of you! 🙂

    • Laurie, you are such a blessing! Thanks for being a huge encouragement! I have so much respect of you so your sweet comments mean bunches to me!!!
      | Thanks for reading! I know time is a coveted commodity! Honored you spend some here.

  5. michelle lynn says:

    I have been diagnosed as bipolar with severe depression, and due to this condition im on disability *ssi*. I also have a degree in Psychology is I know all the terms, correct words, etc. and for a long time ive thought I was crazy. I have come to realize that im not. God has a special plan for me and part of it is being able to use my differences for him. I don’t know what my happily ever after will be, im living day by day covered in Gods grace. I guess I have to look at it by saying I have a happily ever after because I survived the day. btw I hope I don’t sound all rambling with this and what I was wanting to say has been heard…

    • I totally believe that God is ready to use all of us in our brokenness. He definitely has a happily-ever-after for each of us!
      btw: thanks for spotting by for a read!

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