For the Nursing Mamma

When my first baby was born 5.5 years ago, I believed the myths:

Breast feeding doesn't ruin your boobs; its such a sweet time for you and your baby; since our bodies were made for nursing, it comes easily; you'll bond better with your baby. Although my milk came in with a bang and I had to buy a deep freeze to store all the excess, nursing didn't seem to bond me with my baby {right away} among the sore, overly engorged boobies. After a year of nursing my sweet cheeks with love juice, biting my lip through the sharp pain, and squashing and squeezing those poor girls...they were Soooo ruined; well, ruined in the fact that they will never be the same and now I know why all those "old ladies" were complaining about their "long saggy boobs". 😉

With all the trial and error, ups and downs, successes and failures, I want to share my ode to love juice...

Porno boobs are not attractive if they upon further inspection appear to be flesh covered bags of marbles that pertrude from the body likely to explode if touched.
Don't bother buying a nursing bra for the 1st week. your boobs will stick straight out from your body like bowling balls.
Let the lactation consultant help you at the hospital {even though its super awkward!}.
Breast pumps are your friend...even though they make me feel like a cow and offer much needed relief even if "the more you milk a cow, the more they produce" {you can always taper off how much you pump later}.
Suck that stuff out and put it in the freezer. You may feel overwhelmed by the gallons you begin to stocking thinking y0u will never in all your life use it all but you will. And if your the freak case that doesn't...people buy that stuff. For Real.
Sometimes, the best way to hold your baby to position her for nursing will feel the most un-motherly.
Something for burping.
Breast fed babies do get gas despite no "bottle bubbles". Mylicon is your friend!
You will fear for your child's life when placing said bowling ball near their tiny head as a means of nutrition
Cave- use a nipple shield. "Save the Nipples" needs to be your battle cry for nearly a month if you plan to be a long-termer. {most hospitals provide it if you request one}
"Let Down" will no longer be a term used when you feel disappointed your child ask for the last sugar cookie...it will now be linked to being let down your infant is still sleeping rather than screaming for the milk that is stinging from your inner most being asking to be taken out
Water {I loath water} is your friend...ice water {even though it tastes better}- not so much: see- intensified "Let Down"
Be ready for your older children to stare...and stare...and stare. Then ask awkward questions. Then regurgitate whatever amazing {simplified version of nursing to get them off your lap while feeding} explanation to the nearest I-don't-really-care person.

My sis eats my mammas boobs.
The baby keeps kissing my mom's boobies.
God put milk in my mamma like cows.
Why she using that cup? {nipple shield}.
I wish I was a baby again so I could eat mommy milk...
When you don't use that plastic thing...it makes it grosser.
My mommy's hiding the baby eating under that thing so you don't see her boobies.