Foster Care Challenge 2018: Answer a Question

The Temporary Mom is hosting a 31 challenge this month in honor of National Foster Care Month.

The first day was introduction:
Julie Rothacher. 
I am 33 years old, I’ve been married to #myhubs for 14 years [this month], and we have 4 bio children who are 9, 8, 7, and 4.
Our #lifewithlots is an amazing blessing so why not add more fun to the mix, right!? We’ve been an open foster/adoptive home here in Arkansas for 2.5 years and we have had 21 children placed with us and done respite for 6 children in that time. My hubs is a church planter, USPS carrier, shaved ice stand owner, and so many more things while I homeschool our bio children. 

Then there's been fun writing prompts since then that I've been inconsistent in participating in but yesterday I remembered and it was actually pretty fun. The prompt was Ask a Question so I had my friend blow me away with some really good, and lots of new questions on my personal facebook page. Today is Answer a Question. Even though I answered them in the comment section with them, I thought it could be fun to share them here as well.

1. What if bio kids sleep with you...do the fosters always have to sleep in their own bed in their own room?
   Your bio kids are allowed to sleep with you but fosters always have to sleep in their own bed. There are lots of reasons for this but mainly for the protection of you And the child. 
   
2. Do you ever have behavior issues that make you worry about your bio children repeating it or anything happening to your bio children?
   We always have behavior issues. Some are typical/age appropriate. Some make me worry about my bio children repeating it but not a lot different than having friends with different rules for their kids- my kids just know I expect different and we remind them we are working on it with the foster friends. There have been a couple times we had aggressive (biting, hitting, kicking, etc) kids but all of ours have been younger so it was a little easier to deal with. 
   
3. Do you ever have behaviors that are severe and you can’t handle it?
   We have had behaviors that are severe. Some we handled but we have had one time we couldn’t and had to have a child moved. It was very specific to the situation and season of life so others might have been able to handle it. 
   There will ALWAYS be behavioral issues. We are very intentional about never moving children if there is Any way to make it work. Moving children adds to their issues and we do not want to contribute to that. With that being said, you have to know your family, think Long and hard before accepting placements, and know what you can handle.
   
4. Are your bio children ever upset with the fosters and wishing the fosters weren’t there?
   My bio children have gotten upset with the fosters lots! My kids are way better at following Jesus than me and have honestly never ask us to move a child. They’ve ask lots of questions about why, they’ve ask for breaks, but have always begged for them to stay no matter how hard they’ve been. 
   
5. When fosters leave are your bio children always sad?
   My kids have been sad to see every child go. Even when they were "hard". The "easy" kids brought a few more tears for a longer period of time but they've been sad every time.  
   
6. It seems hard to homeschool and foster any school age children bc they’d have to go to public school?
   It is hard for Me to homeschool and foster school age children bc they Do have to go to public school. It’s learning a while new world and trying to mesh the two. One of the reasons I homeschool is for the freedom and the structure of public school cramps that.
   BUT I know some homeschool families that like fostering school age kids because they can have bio-family time during the day which can be relief.
   
7. Does most of the $ given to foster parents to care for fosters...does it have to be mostly used on clothes and food etc for child, do you have to show proof of how it’s used, can it go towards home/bills...I don’t know how all that works...
   The board payment given to foster parents is supposed to be used to reimburse the family for the child’s clothes, food, etc for child. They do ask that you keep receipts Incase they’re ever audited. 
   
8. Do you have to be emotionally strong for the fosters/is it often heartbreaking/or do you just show sadness with them?
   LOL It would be nice is we had to be emotionally strong before they’d allow you to fosters but alas, we all just loose our cool. It is often heartbreaking. Depending on the situation, we hold it together in front of our kids (bio and foster) for their benefit but often just let it all hang out. I just pray God uses that to their benefit as well. 
   
9. Do the kids always want to return to bio parents?
   Our fosters have had lots of different stories- some have gotten to go home (reunification), some have gone to relatives (provisional care), and some don’t go anywhere. 
   
10. I just remembered you might only do very young fosters like babies...
    When we first started, we only did boys younger than Jamin (4) but as Jamin’s gotten older we have taken older kids and a few girls depending on the circumstantial. We’ve had three 6yo, one 5yo, two 4yo, four 3yo, three 2yo, three 1.5yo, 5 newborns/infants and 6 random aged kids 8 and under for respite.
    
11. Have you ever regretted the timing of entering foster care? For example, do you wish you would have started sooner or waited another couple years?
    If we are being totally honest, I did feel rushed into foster care.
    I’ve always wanted to adopt, even received applications for overseas adoption.
    El wasn’t even a year old when we went to our first info meeting and was just over a year and a half when we opened. BUT God...
    I wouldn’t change anything. I love that my kids are growing up with them as a part of who we are as a family. I love that they don’t know any different, that they’ll be sad if/when we ever stop. That they never had the option to not wanna.
12. I see in your pic that the three youngest girls are wearing matching patterns. Do you find that your longer-term placement foster kids want to "fit right in" with your family usually, or are they resistant to being part of the "family" because they miss their own family?
    That’s a great question!
    Our kids love making fosters fit right in. They try to make sure everyone has the same stuff and match if possible.
    Fosters have, for the most part, also loved being made to feel a part. Being included, knowing they’ll be treated equally, and even matching on occasion has helped lots of then adjust quickly. They like knowing “their color” for particular things like the other kids. (We assign colored towels, toothbrushes, plates, cups, water bottles)
    Most of ours have been tiny so it could very possibly be different for older kids. For example, on holidays we include everyone that is with us that day. Only once have we had a child avoid or ask not to be included in a family picture to which we obliged. Although discouraged, we do the stickers over the face because we never want to exclude a child for simply being “in care” if they’d like to be included. Videos are a little trickier so we avoid those in general so we don’t have to avoid any beautiful faces.
    
13. Also, are there rules about "religious" instruction (for lack of a better word) with your foster kiddos?
    This is a little trickier for older children because you are “supposed to” accommodate them if they have other religious preferences.
    There are no rules about sharing as much Jesus as you want to with children. We’ve never ran into families who have other religions. More often than not, they are unchurched and curious about -this Jesus We speek of-. lol
14. Who did yall go thru to foster? Can a person adopt thru the folks u use?
    We work with the AR state DCFS. We were trained through The CALL.
    As a christian home, you can work with and be trained through both of those respectively if you are interested in adopting children waiting in coaster care to be adopted.

If YOU have any quesitons, please ask away. Just be nice.