Our family went into this foster care journey with the intent to adopt. We heard the statistics of waiting kids in care and our desire obey Christ's mandate to care for the orphans seemed to match up with the needs of these kids, not to mention...it was "FREE" as opposed to international or even domestic private adoption. We took the plunge.
Along the way, we chose to be open to fostering children while we waited to be matched with a child(ren) that needed our us as a forever family. Boy have we experienced a crazy amount of emotions, highs and lows we'd never foresaw, as well as growth, to be quite frank, we never thought we wanted for ourselves or our biological children.
One of the many things this journey has taught me so far is that, like one of my favorite movies, we are not the hero in every story.
:PAUSE:
If you have yet to see the movie Megamind, stop reading this. Find. This. Movie. Watch it. Watch it with your spouse. Watch it with your kids. Watch it again. Laugh. Tear up or at least awe at the heart warming moments. Laugh some more. Clear space in your brain for a plethora of quotable lines that will inevitably be applicable in a ridiculously high volume of moments In Real Life. You can thank me later.
Now that you've watched this fun kids film, you'll better understand my application and I won't spoil it for you.
Wikipedia:
The film tells the story of a super-intelligent alien supervillain, Megamind, who after a long-lasting battle one day actually destroys his foe, the much-loved superhero Metro Man. Having Metro City for himself, Megamind finds out that his villainy has no purpose and thus creates a new superhero to serve as his nemesis. His plan backfires, as he ends up creating instead a new super-villain. With Metro City spiraling out of control, Megamind attempts to set things right and discovers his newfound purpose—as a superhero.
For my illustration, I am taking the vague overview of the story were we, as foster parents are Roxanne Ritchie in this film, biological parents are Megamind, and our foster children are Metro City, the city in need of protection. Just like in the film, Roxanne and Megamind end up working together to help Megamind find his true potential and ultimately he gets to be the superhero of the story. The story doesn't play out unexpectedly, people make mistakes, expected heroes fail us, there are super-villain batters, but it is a great ending.
Although, my family is not where I thought we would be three years and twenty six foster friends later, I think we have been allowed to be the Roxanne to many an unrecognized Megamind. Their stories may not look like the fairy tail I had hoped for at the point when children returned but everyone needs to be given the benefit of the doubt. To be fought for or with rather than against. They need support to help start a new path in life. They need to be seen as the unsuspecting hero in their children's lives. I would want that roll if I'd made some poor decisions that cost me time with my children.
Alongside their assigned DCFS workers, the biological parents need US. Yep, they, as well as their children need the foster parents to fight for them. They need us to see the good in them and to bring it out. We need to comfort them, encourage, and let them know we aren't working against them or trying to steal their children.
While I soooooooooo want to be done with this system and the messiness of people in general, that doesn't seem to be God's plan yet. We haven't been matched with a child who needs us in that way. Right now, we have been matched with over 26 children who need us in their gap. They need us as their family's advocates.
I will NEVER be able to adopt a child, call them my own, raise them for the entirety of their lives without knowing I did EVERYthing in my power to help their parents be a safe, loving, healthy option for them first. I could not look a child in the eyes daily knowing there was something I could have done to allow them to stay together as the original unit God placed together. Don't get me wrong, my flesh has wanted to snatch up some of my babies, even if just for a few months longer to assure their home life looked closer to what I thought they needed but in the long run, I have to trust the sovereignty of God in their lives and mine.
Are you considering becoming a foster parent? Adopting through your local DCFS? Go into with the right mindset. Fight for God's original plan. I think it's alright to be willing to be part of His redemptive plan after sin jacks it all up but we need more families to proceed with the heart of Roxanne. Foster parents have been given a bad rap because of some of us not fighting for the biological unit. By offering false testimony. By seeing Only the negative. By never aiding the parents in hopes their shortfallings will cost them their kids and the foster family will reap the gains. Don't be that person.
There are so many reasons we need to believe in someone today. Step back and let someone else be the hero in their child's story. Find their downfall and try to assist in helping them over come it. Share your downfalls. Show them pictures of their child. Bring them gifts, pictures, crafts, whatever for holidays. Become their sidekick to save their family and change the narrative of their lives. God is big enough! God is big enough to redeem the worst start to any story. Let him weave Himself into their story through you.
Please don't hesitate to ask me how to become a part of aiding children and families in care OR to share your own stories.
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