I've always had issues with eating and exercise.

I may not be your typical story people are looking for in a health & fitness series but I have to believe I'm not the only one out there with these experiences. To start this series I just want to give you a brief history of my eating and exercise habits {or lack thereof}. It’s not something I’m proud of but is part of who I am, what God’s brought me out of, and I want it to be part of my ministry to others so that’s why I’m putting it all out there now.

In elementary school I would hide in the kitchen to eat snack foods my parents had hid away. I didn't want real food. In junior high I had issues with anxiety. I would stress out just in the car ride to school worrying about what to expect that day. In high school {senior year to be exact} I developed an eating disorder. Yep, you read that right. You may be new here or a longtime friend…everyone is hearing this at the same time.

Add my unhealthy view of food to my anxiety/control issues and you end up with a type of anorexia. It's been a trend in my life to become very controlling of things when they get stressful. My senior year was a bit hectic and with attempting to graduate high school with a full time boyfriend, youth group, choir stuff, and a part time job, life was just that- stress FULL!

My eating disorder began with "saving a little money" during our open campus lunch by ordering a single taco or having to "study" during lunch. This lead to skipping breakfast because I was "running late", just grabbing a Dr Pepper to save even more money, and grabbing a few french fries and a Dr Pepper during work to again "save money and time". I also had braces. What a perfect excuse, I “can't get nastiness in my braces." It was easy to pull off with no one really knowing what I was eating {or not eating} because I left for school early, saw tons of different friends throughout the day and went straight to work after school returning home just in time to go to my room and do homework before bed. Even when asked, I would just allude to eating somewhere else or try and make the person feel guilty for even asking.

There was the added benefit of weight loss. As an average teen in all other realms, what wasn't to love about being the girl who's dropping a few pounds but surprisingly this wasn't the ultimate goal at the start of this downward spiral. It was control. Eventually, I began to really like the feeling of hunger. To most that probably sounds crazy but to anyone whose gone through anything similar it sound eerily familiar. The feeling of hunger was a result of control. I knew I was causing that feeling. I liked it. I knew I was the only one who could stop that feeling. I liked it. While everything else around me seemed to be spinning, at least there was one thing I had complete control over!

To be honest, I’m about 5’2” and I only got down to about 110. It wasn’t drastic. My bones weren’t pocking out of my clothes. I’ve always been an overly modest kind-of girl so my loose clothes, high neck lines, and low hem lines not too many people even noticed. Plus, I didn't quit food altogether so my body clung to any junk food I stuck in my face occasionally.

NOTE: this was never in the forefront of my mind during this season. When God pulled me out of it, He revealed the lie Satan had been feeding me. {Pun intended}

I continued that routine up until moving off to college. Half way across the state, newly single and devoted to not getting a new guy any time soon, I did what every college girl does, I ate! I had forgotten how good tasted. With a cafeteria that was only open certain hours of the day, I took full advantage of the variety and abundance they had during the brief times it was available. There were also the late night trips to the local McDonald’s for free small fries for college students! Again with the unhealthy view of food… Duh, I gained the freshman 15 plus ~15.

I regained some self-confidence even while stretching out my tiny wardrobe. God taught me crazy amounts of stuff about Himself and I grew. In every since of the word ;o) At the end of my freshman year I met my amazing hubby, Matt who loved me among my chubbiness. The next year when we set a date to get married I decided I wanted to try and get control of my eating since Matt was getting healthy and fit. Together we did a version of weight watchers. Counting points and the like. I dropped close to 15 pound before the wedding and was feeling pretty good about myself. I had switched to Diet Coke {you know you’re in love when…}, ate grilled chicken like it was going out of style, and lots of veggies. During that time I also woke early, chugged a bottle of water, and headed to the workout area of our dorms to help shed the weight. I viewed food as a means to fuel my body and exercise as a way to tone and shape my body as well as both keeping me energized and healthy.

Needless to say, after 8 years of marriage, 3 adorable babies in 2.5 years, and the added stress that comes with marriage, babies, and chasing God’s purpose for your life, the pounds have come back. The clothes don’t fit. And I find myself inching back into my unhealthy views of food. So. That’s where I am today. Since ~March of this year, I’ve gained a sneak attack of 15 pounds. Just like other ‘disorders’, eating disorders never go away. I have to fight against hiding to eat, seeking control through food consumption {or absence of}, and thinking food is a reward of sorts. My unrealistic view of the “exercise” I really do during the long days of child care and running a home. I’ve slipped away from fuel and shaping right back into reward and who cares.

Sorry that was so extensive. I just want you to know where I’m coming from to best understand my goals of where I’m hoping to go. I will purposely be keeping my goals simple as to not burn out or give up. I have enough things in my day to possibly feel defeated about. I need an encouraging check list to keep me motivated and moving forward. My main goal is to fit into existing clothes. I really don’t want to buy new stuff again. I’d love for the pounds to drop but I’ll really be watching inches.

Week 1

Goals:

1. Don’t drink Dr Pepper after 6:30pm.
2. Be in bed by 11:00pm
3. GET UP by 7:30am

Weight:

• 145lbs

Measurements:

• Chest- 39”
• Tummy- 37”
• Arms- 11.5” 12” {WEIRD}
• Bum- 39”
• Legs- 21” 22” {WEIRD}

I’m not including my clothing size because I know they’re all wrong. Everything fits super tight and I’ve just been stretching them all out.

I’ll be checking in weekly to let you know my progress. What’s your story? Join me and my friends in this series about real mom’s wanting to become healthy and fit! Follow all of us on Twitter using the hash tag #healthymomseries or on our group Pinterest board, Get Healthy & Fit or click the footer below to find out the plans of the other 19 bloggers in the series!