Supervising our children is one of the most crucial, time and energy-consuming, and most easily excusable things a parent must do with children.
I've talked before about how I'm not good at playing with my children. I'm getting better but when my hubs is home, I automatically go into relax mode. I check out. I tap-out and expect my hubs to tap-in for this child rearing wrestle match.
When the Bible explained to us that we are to "train" a child. That means ongoing, hands-on training. None of these doggy training day camps, online tutorials, or one week of "training" before starting a new job. Nope, this is a much more gruesome task. Day in and day out.
This is what happens every time I assume my children know what they "should" be doing or not doing. Messes. BIG Messes. Along with lack of supervision comes fighting. Selfish arguing. Physical revelry. SCREEEEEAMING! Oh, the screaming... and of course the dreaded--> LOTS of time outs and spankings. Do you remmeber those days of "Hey, mom's on the phone, lets...do whatever we want!"? I do! I started shaving when my mom was on the phone. #Fail on my part- NOT my mom's.
Don't get me wrong. Some of this comes when I am attempting to be constantly engaged and training 24/7 but the majority of it could be avoided or dealt with at a quicker pace if I were engaged More! I'm not looking to incite more mom guilt. We ALL have more than enough of that. I just need some accountability to train. Surprisingly, doing this will end much of yelling that comes from the stress on mom rooted in selfishness.
These are a few things I've learned and am attempting to apply:
- Save "work" for proper times {ie when kids are in bed or occupied} I'm bad about this. My selfish time is when I'm "working" on things like preparing consignment items, writing blog post, giveaway prep {ahem}, making meals, etc. Some of these need to be done independently but others I'm getting better at doing withmy kids!
- Set "work" hours
- Entertain children if they're not asleep {hint: no crafting for them during "work" hours}
- Be flexible with "work" hours
- Consistently do routine things with themall the while explaining "how we do it" and what is expected of them when they do it themselves {ie Get up when I hear they're awake, brush teeth, help dress/feed them} The mark of a family having kids close together is some times we are pushing for older kids to do things independently early {not too early for abilities but because they wanna be babies as well} I'm betting they will let ya know when they want to do it themselves. Still wanna learn the balance of raising self-sustaining kids but showing them grace and love along the way.
- Show them how to
- Do it with them
- Watch them do it
- Expect them to do it
- Then start over again if they still don't have it.
- Laugh and Use Teachable moments when all else #Fails. Take your camera into the mess. I do! It helps me defuse the situation {for me}. I try not to laugh when the situation could have been dangerous. I try to explain to my kids why this was a "Bad Choice!" This is our daily term. We say it with our added thumb down signal. The signal helps us communicate fast when I'm across the house and don't want to yell. I do NOT take pictures or laugh on second offenses {unless it's hilarious and I've already handed out punishments}! Read more in the comment section where I learned I need to add this point.
We can't expect out children to know how to do something if we aren't willing to train them how to do it; continually training. You and I don't always get something right the very first time we're were taught to do something and often just can't remember the instructions the next time we were expected to do it?
Join me in attempting to "TRAIN" kids to the best of our abilities!
What part of training do you struggle with the most? How do you do your hands on training day in and day out?
For Real Y'all! This happened moments after publishing this post!
I think the story goes: Izzie was trying to take the 1st baby to the "potty" then J was assisting her in getting the other 3 into the "pool". #FAIL!
I have decided I really dilike the word “fail”… It has become part of our daily vernacular and I’d like for it to leave now… You are a great mom and if anyone thinks they can keep an eye on three kids 24/7 and still manage to cook dinner, clean up, and have a shread of sanity they need to re-think… Ask me sometime how many times I had to wash poop off the girls bedroom wallls… It turns out one of my girls (who will remain un-named) loved to finger paint in poop! If she messed during her nap and I didn’t catch it I was in for a HUGE stinky mess! It wasn’t a “fail” that she did this, but it was a “teachable moment.” It is not or job to prevent all the messes, it is our job to train them… Messes happen, we jst need to keep our cool and explain why they shouldn’t do this in the future AND disipline when these messes are caused by “willful disobeadience.”
Example: If you daughters give their dollies a bath in the toilet because it seemed like a good idea at the time and because you had never thought to tell them not to bathe their toys where they poop then that is a teachable moment… If during that teachable moment you tell them in a clear way to “never again put your toys in the toilet” and the next day you find them putting their dolls in the toilet, now you have a “trainable moment” that requires disipline… Neither are a “fail” both are just “parenting”. (PS. My poop painter is now a Christ-Loving, productive member of society!)
Rebecca, I would agree that the word “Fail” is often over used! I just wanted to use it in this post to be funny. I’m not sure that came across ;o) I personally overuse this term; just ask my hubs! I think it’s funny to use it in all kinds of situations. I wasn’t really using it to add to my mom guilt or to add pressure to other moms.
I love your example about how to handle these situation and agree that all these are teachable moments! I’ve learned to “cool off” by bringing my camera into the room and taking pictures because I KNOW this is funny. We will learn from it. And will LOVE to look back on this stuff! Using them as teachable moments is exactly what I’ve done in these situations; or at least tried to. I know we can’t prevent everything but I am still responsible for them 24/7 and could prevent lots of the crazy in my house by simply being more engaged.
The “Fail” I was referring to though was me- hearing them getting into things {or not hearing them} and choosing to not move. When I leave them purposely with a messy project and assume they will know what to do. Asking them to constantly “play in the other room” while I work on something rather than asking them to help me or putting aside the unnecessary projects for that moment and play with them or teach them how to appropriately play with something.
You are crack’n me up with the poop painter! I keep waiting to find one of mine with that kind of mess.
PS: Sorry my “u” button is sticking… If a word seems wrong just mentally add a “u”!
I guess I left my sence of humor in my other jeans… Re-reading your post I can see what yo were saying… 🙂
Hahahaha, I’m glad you left your sense of humor in your other jeans: I always enjoy your advise!!!! I prolly wasn’t very clear. I’m writing these things as I’m unengaged and my kids are throwing things in the potty ;o)