Why Would I Talk about My Depression?

Because God uses story to binds us, His most priced creation.

God uses story to Bind Us, His most priced creation

I remember fretting over whether or not to publish my story, the beginning of my journey living with depression. I worried I was slipping further and further away and all I need to do was get closer to Jesus. The Christian world doesn't talk about "mental health." Even the few people in my past that I knew dealt with or had dealt with anything of the sort acted as though satan had taken a hold in their lives and then Jesus delivered them from it, leaving me feeling, once again, like a faithless Christ-follower. An imposter. The others dealing with this just didn't talk about it. Some didn't deal with it. If there was family history, you just brushed it behind that giant neon green elephant in the room and acted like it wasn't apart of who they were, where they'd been, or even what they were living in at the moment.

Depression is:
a mental condition characterized by feelings of severe despondency and dejection, typically also with feelings of inadequacy and guilt, often accompanied by lack of energy and disturbance of appetite and sleep. Synonyms: unhappy, sadness, melancholy, misery, sorrow, woe, gloom, low spirits, heavy heart, despair, hopelessness, etc

The Main Causes of Depression:

There are lots of things that can increase the chance of depression, these are just some of those:

  • Abuse
  • Certain medications
  • Conflict
  • Death or a loss
  • Genetics
  • Major events
  • Other personal problems
  • Serious illnesses
  • Substance abuse

Pretty much, it's all Serotonin's fault. It's one of many brain chemicals, the one associated with "happy feelings". Depression, no matter the cause, is a chemical imbalance in the brain.

God has given me writing as a tool to work through the stuff floating around in my head. I often read something, hear about hot topics and am not quite sure what my option is on it. Maybe that's a middle-child thing. Anyways. Not only does writing help me walk myself through how I think about things it helps me identify how I feel. It gets all that emotion out of me. Sometimes its super silly and others it's totally nasty. Some I publish and some are still "drafts".

Depression is one of those "draft" topics God has ask me to open up with others rather than just He and I {and my computer}. I wasn't sure why at first but after the anxiety of pressing the publish key, I felt relief. Like this was one less thing satan was holding over me. One less 'secret' he could use against me. One less thing I feared if it came out. It was out. It didn't matter how anyone responded to it. I was free. That's all I needed, to shake those chains off.

Talking about my depression hasn't *fixed* it. I so wish it had. Sadly {budump bump}, I still take a medication to help levelize the chemicals in my brain. It helps me feel less...crazy. Psycho mom. Yeah, I said "less". Again, I wish this was a healing story as some may have come looking for but this is something I'm still walking through. The term bipolar comes to mind at least once a month as I experience good days and then very quickly bad days. {Thanks Aunt Flow. Rrrrr}

I guess, I'm writing this as a follow up of sorts. God has confirmed over and over again that my tiny little blog and a simple post series about my experience are a blip in the conversation that so desperately needs to be blown wide open in the Christian community.

From long-distance, life-long, and in-my-own-back-yard friends, there is someone I know who is secretly going through this alone. Satan is winning if we hide, ashamed, in the dark. He wins if we can't confess our habitual brokenness. He wins if we hide it, protect ourselves against the murmurs that 'might' happen. We are unable to fully grasp the gospel in our personal, well-worn lives. We are denying that we need Christ's blood to ooze into this crevices in our world, as if He didn't already know about it.

From former students, my own peers, or strangers, confessions of living my story have tumbled in! Do you know what that did? Shamed us? Killed us with that gut wrenching pain? NO! It bonded us. I'm not even just talking about believers being bonded over suffering from the same downfalls. I'm talking Across. The. Board. God wants to unite. Glue together. Tether. Fasten. Attach. Knot. Eternally Secure His most prized creatures to one another and Himself.

#realness is my anthem!
This verse my song.
Boast *happily* in weakness!

2 Corinthians 12:9 (NIV)
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

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Comments

  1. Janice Carlson says:

    How generous of to share with others. Depression is clinical and not something Christ would wish upon any of us. Diagnosis and treatment is essential. Continue to speak out for women of faith who live in fear.

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