Where did you learn the “F” word?

repost: originally part of a post published Feb 25, 2012

Remembering that children learn about beliefs through actions means we need to pull our junk together!

I am weary of hearing parents complain that their children are conducting themselves in sinful ways but the child is simply mimicking what they've seen {somewhere- parents, daycare, TV}. Since we are all sinners the main thing we need to teach our children is the "F" word. Yep! The word we all dread.

Forgiveness.

We all dread it. We're scared to let it fly out of our mouths in fear of having to confess we've done something wrong. "Will you forgive me?" Yes, we need to not only say this word but SHOW it to our children.

After a long day of chasing my preschooler around reminding her of boundaries she already knew, I flew of the handle and screamed at her. Yes. I did to raise my voice. I did not yell. I screamed at her to get back in her bed for the Umpteeth time after she woke both her siblings in the other room. Ya know, the my throat hurts not kind of screaming at a ball game. Did I mention I was Running down the hall at her.  And yes, running looking like a fool down the hall. My heart pounding with its irregular palpitations, making myself sweat over a silly preschoolers defiance.

NOT my finest moment. It's actually taken me over 2 months to confess this to you.

After slamming her door I sat on the ground and began to cry. What the smack is wrong with me. God quickly brought to my attention that I can't expect her to obey the 1st time if I'm not going to demonstrate to her that I am obeying my heavenly Father the 1st time. I was not showing love to her by becoming quick to anger. Ugg. I had to go in and ask for her forgiveness even though I all wanted was for her to be sitting in tears over her bad choices. I dried myself up a bit and headed in...

"Maggie, mommy needs to ask for your forgiveness. I am sorry I screamed at you. I was throwing a fit and we know that both of those are bad choices. Will you forgive me?"

"Yes mamma!" No hesitation. No questioning how quickly I would jump back to this sinful behavior. Just, "Yes". I hugged my baby for a long time with more tears.

As I headed into the other room to quiet the other two children and comfort them back to sleep I see Maggie's door open.

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!" I thought. "This is ridiculous. Doesn't she know how hard it was for me to ask for her forgiveness and now she's going to get out of bed Again!?!" I shushed her and tried to wave her back into her room before she disturbed her sibling yet again and she began to stomp her feet before throwing herself onto the ground and sob.

I quickly put the baby back in his crib and rushed out of the room attempting to muffle the fit in the hall. I snatched her up, wrestling all the anger building up within me. Heart racing. Teeth gritted. Trying my hardest not to 'raise my voice' again- "Maggie, What Is the Deal? You are Supposed to be IN your bed!"

"But mamma, I needed to ask you to forgive me."I squeezed her harder than I ever have. "Mamma, I'm sorry for getting out of my bed and making bad choices. Will you forgive me?"

"YES!!!"

What are we showing our children. Are we 'practicing what we preach'? I am challenged to evaluate my behavior based on if Christ would want me training my child in the way I'm living.