Earning Motherhood Tenure

mom tenure

You know you've earned motherhood tenure when you have...

  1. peed while breastfeeding.
  2. blamed your child for spilling something on your that morning because someone noticed the permanent grease stains on your t-shirt.
  3. cooled of fast-food for your children with the air condition vent in the car.
  4. convinced your children that they are privileged because they get to vacuum or share a room or give away some toys.
  5. lost the real words for pee pee, poo poo, too-ta, and or dinker.
  6. almost forgot to close the door when using the restroom in public.
  7. pretended to eat the funky tasting dinner you just made and bribed the kids to eat it with the dessert you were now eating so you didn't have to throw away all that hard work or have it for leftovers.
  8. thrown a towel over the wet bedsheets and sent your child back to bed for a couple more hours.
  9. used the phrase, "Well, we don't usually bury people in the backyard...".
  10. told your child it was their "last bite" at least 5 times.
  11. taken a picture of your child's poop.
  12. pulled your child out of bed for talking and playing to put them in time-out.
  13. excused your children to others saying "they love to dress themselves" when you know good and well you picked out those clothes from the top of the dirty clean clothes pile in the laundry room.
  14. rocked while sitting in a sedimentary chair and you weren't holding a baby.
  15. licked a paci you picked up off the floor to clean it off before giving it back to baby.
  16. found yourself socially inept when you don't have your kids to chase around at a social function.
  17. used the phrase, "I know your trying to poop but you need to finish eating."
  18. grounded your child from their invisible friend because they wouldn't stop chatting at bed time.
  19. run out of the house with a  change of clothes for every member of the house because your headed to the grocery store for a few hours and ended up needing none of it but the next day you went to the gas station with nothing and needed it all.
  20. needed and planed to take a nap when hell freezes over and all the kids are asleep at the same time but then watch an "adult" TV program instead and are shocked at where the time went when they emerge one-by-one an hour and half later.
  21. wondered over to Facebook to "load pictures of your kids to share with distant family" and find yourself laughing at some random blog post you clicked over to that your mommy friend shared.
  22. covered the baby you were wearing with a towel so you don't splatter hot oil on them while browning hamburger meat or cooking other food.
  23. wiped splattered food off a sleeping baby you are wearing when said towel wasn't placed strategically enough.
  24. removed your crumbs off a baby while they were being held, sleeping, or nursing.
  25. scooped left overs off the floor regardless of their texture because you couldn't fathom cooking the next day.
  26. sported mud on your jeans on a rainy day except for it wasn't mud...nor raining.
  27. gotten shot with explosive poop from two foot away {or watched your husband get shot- bwahahaha}.
  28. picked a booger out of a kids nose, in the church nursery, and the kid wasn't yours.
  29. pulled your daughter's hair back into a pony tail using the food caked in her hair as hairspray.
  30. swayed a swaddled baby in a car seat with your foot while music played from the bouncy seat sitting next to her so you could write down crazy things that you may or may not have experienced as a mother for a blog post to hopefully make other mom's laugh.

 

Head on over to the as Jules is going Facebook page or comment below to add your own qualifications for earning motherhood tenure 😉

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Comments

  1. Hahahahahaha… Brought back some memories… Others I am sure I repressed! I will NOT share this with my daughter as she is only 7 months into child #1 and I want more grand babies!
    Rebecca D recently posted..Relax Y’all…My Profile

    • Rebecca, congrats on her 1st baby and your 2nd grandbaby, right? I’d seen pics on FB. This is definitely a haha post for mammas who have been in the trenches a while. It could possibly scare others 😉

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