We’ve long since parted ways with the nursing world. At fifteen months, Samuel no longer takes his sustenance from me, not physically at least. However, I’m learning he still needs his mama in a deep, comforting way.
When he’s hurt, he reaches for me.
When he’s scared, he reaches for his mama.
When he’s tired, he lays his head on my shoulder.
Even though Daddy gives Samuel his bath and often, holds the dropper for him to take his nightly herbs, baby boy still longs for me to put him to bed. Mama is his comforter.
Recently, I have seen an increase in baby boy's need to be cuddled at bedtime, especially since our cross country move. Tonight, I lugged a rocking chair into his bedroom and sat him in my lap. He curled right into me and nuzzled deep. This was a first, and I embraced it.
As Samuel lay burrowed tight, he stared at the cross that hangs daily around my neck. He gazed at it curiously as if he was seeing it for the very first time. He ran his fingers down and across the silver edges, as his eyes drooped heavily, and the lyrics of Amazing Grace slipped through my lips.
As I stroked Sam’s cheek, I wondered if this boy would ever come to know and fear the Lord. This thought was quickly followed by the sobering remembrance of my harsh words and impatient huffs shared often throughout the day, as if Samuel was the absolute biggest inconvenience ever known to man. Gospel-centered living the farthest thing from my mind.
Amazing grace how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me.
Tears flowed freely and heavily as I choked out the rest of the hymn. I repented of my selfishness, impatience, and pride. I repented of my unkind words, for the slamming of my spatula, and for yelling at my baby to just leave the toilet seat alone for once! I asked God to forgive me and create in me a new heart! Please, God, renew a right spirit within me!
There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Romans 8:1
I held my boy tight. I kissed his little head over and over while singing the words my chains are gone, I’ve been set free. At that moment, Samuel looked up at me with searching, knowing eyes and smiled. He reached his little hand up to my mouth and stroked my wet cheek as if he knew his mama was rocking a crying baby who needed comforting.
Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Romans 12:12
Leigh Ann’s life goal is to create a home where it is impossible to not think about God. At Intentional By Grace, she blogs about her journey of intentional living in order to make this goal a reality.
She is the wife of almost four years to the man of her prayers, Mark, and mama to a loveable little boy, Samuel. She takes joy in spending her days creating memorable moments with her husband, conducting kitchen experiments, researching every natural alternative known to man, and making her little boy laugh. She does it all by the grace of God.
You can follow her on twitter @n10tionalgrace or by liking Intentional By Grace on Facebook.
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Beautiful! I have spent many-a-day crying/rocking my babies to sleep. It is I who truly needs the comforting!
Thanks for sharing. I think it’s comforting to know other moms are in the same boat and we are not alone in the journey that feels so lonesome and wild some days!
I knew I wasn’t alone. Funny how we can easily become the babies, huh? But isn’t it a neat picture of God? He cries over us because of His great love for us while we sit comfortable in His arms?
Oh, Leigh Ann, you have me in tears, too. That was me just the other day. In fact, I feel like “that me” is more the norm than the exception these days now I need a clean heart!!
Jennifer, I totally agree. Leigh Ann has a fabulous way of reaching into our hearts and finding right where we are. I love the challenge to rock for hours with Joy and clean hearts!!!
Jules, thank you for your kind words.
Jennifer, I’m so with you right now. This wasn’t an isolated event for me. But isn’t it a neat picture of God? He cries over us because of His great love for us while we sit comfortable in His arms? I was thinking about that today. Wish I had added it to the post. 🙂
Thanks for having me, Julie!
Thank you so much for sharing! I know this is so me. Especially recently with so much travel and so many baby sitters. We will be moving real soon and I know there will be many days spent just comforting amidst the huge changes with crying and rocking!
Oh my, yes. This is a result of a great big huge move. I’m praying for you in your new transition!
Love it! I had a similar experience with my older son last week when he was sick and needed mama’s comforting. Thank goodness for God’s grace!
I agree. My babies have been taking turns being sick and it’s hard to remember they just need our snuggles and kind works when we have so much going on. With my 3 being 3 and under its hard to not feel guilty when one needs more love’n some days than others. I recently had to talk about teaching the “F” word through my actions: http://asjulesisgoing.com/?p=2146. Hard lesson I am continually learning!!!
I agree, Anne! God’s grace is amazing. And I find it comforting that He gives us pictures of His love through our love for our children. Isn’t it a neat picture of God? He cries over us because of His great love for us while we sit comfortable in His arms. How amazing.