I walk downstairs into my immaculately clean home that is tastefully decorated, already showered, fully dressed in adorable mom clothes, hair look'n great, with a full (modest) face of make-up, ready to take on the day. I grab a cute coffee mug of coffee and cozy up in this cute comfy nook in the corner of my kitchen with my adorable Bible, Bible study notebook and a cutesy pin. I delve into God's word for a refreshing, inspiring, meaningful time with just me and God as my handsome hubby and gorgeous children remain asleep in their well-decorated, clean, organized rooms upstairs. As I wrap up my motivating time with my Lord, I move straight to cooking a beautiful breakfast for my family. As I begin to bring my well-balanced meal to the table in serving dishes still hot, they (my 4 children who are evenly spaced two years apart and cheerful hubby) all enter the dinning room with smiles on their faces, fully clothed, and ecstatic to see me and the rest of the loving family. After we enjoy our meal together, as the morning sun glimmers in through the clean windows, I go around clearing the table as everyone goes immediately to grab their things, neatly prepared the night before by the door in cute cubbies, and head out to work and school with kisses and hugs from me, their God-fearing, put-together, beautiful, amazing in all ways, Proverbs 31 wife and mommy.

UGGG! You KNOW where I'm going with this...

This has been my ideal day. As a new believer in junior high I would fantasize about having this life. It was inconceivable idea that there would ever be a day where a shower wasn't possible. If the lady in the commercial can clean up that giant mess her baby just made with just one  paper towel  in an adorable comfy looking skirt and button down then I could pull that look off easy; ya know, 'cause my child's not gonna even make messes. I don't even like coffee (no offense Sarah Mae) but everything looks more grown up in a cute coffee cup rather than my simple can of cold Dr Pepper. If I love Jesus and I'm working hard enough I should be able to pull of being a "Beth Moore" every day of my life. If I'm not serving my family a wholesome meal out of serving dishes then I don't care about them enough. I don't know what I thought I'd do before my gorgeous children could actually dress themselves or much less walk down the stairs by themselves. When was I going to prepare their things with night before? After feeding, bath, bed, chores, or finally getting to chat with my hubby before passing out?

Today, MY plan: accomplish my idea. This was actually yesterday's plan but that was a big FAIL! When I finally made it up, 30 min after my alarm (on my phone- who would have ever thunk it?), I showered way too long, put on a t-shirt and long cotton shorts (which had become my mom uniform), and with wet hair and a little make-up on, I slugged my way downstairs to greet my simi-clean home (thanks to 31daystoclean), grab a poptart and a can of DP, add some items to the grocery list, sit down for a quick devotional thought(provided by someone else), began typing this to get it out of my system just in time to hear my 4-month-old crying to be fed, hoping my handsome hubby will grab him for me before his crying wakes the two girls, (almost) 3 years old and 16 months old. ______ Ok, fed my little man and am currently super jealous that the day I chose to wake up early rather than my husband everyone is sleeping well past 8:00am rather than 6:45 or 7. Rrrr Oh well. The rest of my day will probably be a fight between trying not to be frustrated because I am not accomplishing my selfish goals and that of being the loving idea wife and mom I desire to be already. I want my children to love the Lord and follow Him closer than me, which right now will not be a challenge. God is messing up my ideal. He knows what is best for me! He is refining that desire of my heart to look more like His for my life. Not all of it is bad/unrealistic. But I cannot do it. ALL things are done through Christ who gives me strength.

God is doing a work in our family's life and I don't want to be left in the dust! I am seeking to joyfully follow the leadership of my husband who I see is chasing God at a quick pace. It would be nice to have that ideal day but I'd like to focus on the seeking God for God right now. Learning to hear Him. Excited about new tools for this adventure that have fallen into my lap: 31 Days to Clean, Radical (aka The Evil Orange Book), and Brave, Honest Questions Women Ask. I have never considered myself someone scared to say yes to what He is calling me to but it's been easy things so far. I think my world is about to totally change.

surrendering my ideal today

*8:30 and still no peep from the girls, the hubs, or my little man who went back to sleep after eating. I'll take this as God's gift for allowing Him to begin this work in my life.

*Disclaimer: That was not a slam on Beth Moore. Feel free to insert you ideal, amazing godly women who has inspired you and whom you have possibly put on a pedestal hoping to one day be like.