When It’s Too Big a Number

There are some days I can't manage one more thing. One more meal prep, drink refill, lesson plan, doctor appointment, Staffing, grocery list, load of peed-on laundry, caked on dish, bed time routine, refereed fight, maintenance of another humans life.

When I can't handle one more kids'...anything, all I hear are the words of the mean lady on Cheaper by the Dozen, "12 is just too big a number". I'm not naïve enough to pretend that's not what some people think about me. I know what they're thinking. What I can't handle is proving them right in any way.

I've been to the doctor nearly every week for a month and 1/2. I feel like my body is falling apart. I watch all these other mom's with "just 2 kids" parenting in ways that only lead me to wonder, "Could I be parenting like that if I'd stopped at 2? If I'd 'planned' my children further apart? If I didn't have too many?" Mom guilt on a whole other level. My insides hurt and I start comparing in the opposite unhealthy way, "Well at least I ___. My kids are better off because there are more of them because ____. At least I do ___ for my kids." And in that moment, I'm not living Christ-like and satan wins.

I started this post weeks ago and wanted to write a post defending large families. I wanted to give a list of why my kids are better off in this family. I wanted to fight for why our family fostering and bring yet more people into this chaos is right and why everyone else is wrong. Then. God.

"It takes all kinds. It takes all kind. It takes all kinds!"
As a whole, all of us together, good qualities, make up an image of Christ. We can't be perfect, having all God's perfect qualities. It takes all kinds to build that accurate picture.

Thanks for reading my pep talk to myself. 😫😂 Thanks for being another part of that image of THE Only One who has it all together. Keep trucking mamma of lots of littles as well as mamma grieving lost littles. His plan is bigger than ours.