as Jules is living Archives - Page 6 of 46

Listening to God is Sometimes Like Drivers Ed Rules

January 27, 2016 by Jules Leave a Comment

I was terrified to start drivers ed in high school. I’d turned a corner too sharp after driving for 2.5 seconds and put my mom’s giant station wagon into a ditch a couple years before. I wasn’t sure I could do this thing. Driving. That all my friends seemed to love.

The drivers ed coach was so relaxed and his one rule when we started the actual driving portion of the class {assuming we all knew the textbook rules of the road} was go straight unless I tell you different. I constantly wanted to double check that I was still doing what I was supposed to. Being the only teary eyed newby, I refrained from asking over and over again. I was overly cautious to the point the coach had to tell me I was allowed to speed up a bit during one of my first drives.

I’ve learned my kids are so much like me. Whether out of caution for fear of not doing the right thing or not trusting that I’m paying attention and know when and what is coming.

Mags is in constant need of my reminders to “do the next workbox” for school. Keep working. The plan hasn’t changed. Trust me.
Iz finishes part of a chore and wants to move on to the next thing with while leaving the first ½ done. Complete each step. There’s reason behind my logic. Trust me.
J worries if maybe I’ve forgotten him and wonders if it’s time for a movie yet because surely it is and I just didn’t know. Trust me.
El nags about her cup, even if I’m in the process of filling it, until she’s got it in her hand. Trust me.

As frustrating as it is, I’m glad God doesn’t have the same responses I do toward my children in these situations. REALLY! Finish already. CHICKA! Don’t be lazy. DUDE! Maybe we don’t need a movie. GIRLFRIEND. I’m Holding The Cup.

God is constant. Unlike us as earthly parents who get distracted and are lethargic at times, God is steadfast in his patience with us as we show our distrust for Him and His all-knowing, grand-planning, goodness, provider-ship. We quite when we think he’s not looking and it gets hard. We cut corners thinking it won’t make a difference. We remind him of His promises hoping He remembers. We beg for Him to take care of us as if He needs our assistance in that.

Often when we're trying to hear God in what He wants us to do during a season of our lives, we forget our drivers ed rules. God gives us simple, generic, across-the-board direction for Christian living. Sometimes we're hoping for specific rather than just driving straight until he tells us to turn again. For a couple years now, I've had to take a page out of the Abraham play book and remind myself that, sometimes, God doesn't speak often. God expects us to go back to the last thing He told us and keep on in that direction until further notice.

Filed Under: Jesus Juked by My Kids, Parenting, The Ones about Jules Life {Randomness}, The ones about the Rothacher Home

Being an Outgoing Introvert

November 2, 2015 by Jules Leave a Comment

I'm still learning myself. I think its important but not always valued to continue to figure not only your spouse, your kids and friends out but also yourself. Call me a bias due to my psych degree but I think understanding people and their story- what makes them them- is the key to loving people well.

As much as I don't like to admit it, understanding yourself isn't always selfish but rather another key to being able to love others the best in the long run. I've always been fairly outgoing and enjoy the idea of hanging out with others, socializing, and having a rotating front door BUT when I was pregnant a couple of years ago {I can't believe its been that long ago :'( } I thought I had pregnancy-induced-introversion. Well, years later and lots of research I've finally decided I've been an introvert all my life. Just an outgoing-introvert. I wanna share just 20 of the ways I learned this about myself recently and maybe they can help you learn something about yourself as well.

You might be an Outgoing-Introvert if...

You love being around people but don't understand why they annoy you very easily.
You love being hospitable but have a hard time relaxing with the same people in a different environment.
You can NOT handle children trying to talk to you during nap/rest time.
You LOVE the time you get with your spouse to just watch TV or surf the web and consider it socializing.
You always volunteer to host the party because you're most comfortable in your own home but sometimes wanna go hide in your room.
You like being around people but don't necessarily wanna Have to talk to them.
You like working in public spaces but wearing glasses or a ball cap help you feel along enough to be productive.
You can be the life of the party who also needs to be the first to go to bed.
You prefer communicating via social media and text where you can control the rhythm of conversation.
You are D.O.N.E. with kids if you don't get alone time to re-energize every few days.
You prefer mulling over your thoughts on a topic to yourself and not chatting loosely about it in a group to find out how you feel about it.
You feel like you need a wing-man for basic every-day interactions to help you cope.
You can small talk well in person but it feels like a defense mechanism.
You are often the cog in a group that otherwise wouldn't function independently.
You have meltdowns occasionally because unforeseen circumstances need you to switch on your extroversion but it doesn't work that way.
You can be super charming but hate having to be and it exhaust you.
You get anxious about social events but tend to enjoy yourself once you're there {and don't have to stay long}.
You are often beyond awkward on phone calls.
You are very good at picking up on other's emotions and may feel the need to fix it for them.
You have Tons of acquaintances but don't have many close friends but the ones you do have are like blood relatives.

These thoughts were brought you by...

a stressed out homeshool mom who was kicked out of the house by her hubs upon entering their home because she needed to a cry break or alone time, aka the corner booth a Chick-fil-a where all the talking people annoyed her after failing to find cheap fake-glasses at the Target around the corner.

Filed Under: as Jules is living

Relational Issues within the Church

October 21, 2015 by Jules Leave a Comment

I've been hurt as well as hurt others recently and in the past a lot. We're humans with dark, wicked, little hearts. It happens. Things are assumed, words are flung, and drama can take over while bitterness sets in if we're not careful. I've learned some things from all this reoccurring drama. Women are so confusing! Hahaha We all know that though. But really, it we an fix things while avoiding drama and bitterness. It's kinda like a flow chart:

I joke, but isn't this our life as Christian women? Waiting for someone to do something thoughtless, selfish, or just dumb. It's exhausting on all kinds of levels. One of the biggest factors I've had to deal with is peoples misconstrued expectations of a relationship. Usually its an unbalanced "friendship" where one person is pulling most of the weight.

Kathy Escobar has an awesome description of relationships with non-believers where she explains how to become incarnation. You may want to look her's explanation but this is how I understand it and think it can be applied to all relationships. Who are you in any given relationship dynamic?

Paternal- The person who always assumes the provider roll in a relationship. Does life TO others placing themselves in a position "over" others. Meeting needs in the most logical ways. This creates oppression and set positions.

Maternal- The person who always assumes the fix-it roll in a relationship. Does life FOR others placing themselves in a position "under" others. Meeting emotional needs, providing counseling, encouragement, and advise. This creates bondage and codependency.

Siblimatic {my word, her's being Incarnational}- The person who gives and takes. Does life WITH people as an equal, leveling the balance of "power".

I'm sure identifying these categories in others was easy but did you see yourself in any of these? Some times these are heightened among those relationships we build within the Church. Whether that be with the pastor and his wife or other church members. I've seen it happen over and over again, where people have been or will become de-churched based on relational hurts. Sometimes pressures to be everyone or no one's BFF is heavy on clergy and often relationships are lop-sided- one of those unhealthy dynamics.

The main theme here is give-and-take. I think its hard to admit, we are not really "friends" with everyone we know and I might be the first to tell you this but...That Is Okay. Understanding the dynamic of a relationship can fix poor expectations and avoid drama and or bitterness when those expectations aren't met.

I've both had to admit I can't be everyone's friends as well as not everyone wants to actually be my friend. I have to be alright with this, not become too hard on myself, and take solace in the fact that Jesus had a variety of different types relationships. Jesus was always willing to give more than He took, He was fully God and fully man, therefore we should become self-less in our relationships, avoiding self-righteousness when others don't follow suit.

Do you have any other questions we could ask ourselves in determining our relational dynamics?

Filed Under: as Jules is living, The DeChurched

I WANT ANIMAL CRACKERS!

September 25, 2015 by Jules 2 Comments

She gathered their personal belongings and headed for the door with a quiet, "I'm gonna load these and then its time to go." to which he growled under his breath, "I want Animal Crackers!"

I gently snuggled next to him and reassured him I wanted animal crackers, too. Trying not to cry we gave our last snuggles and were strong as we loaded them in their carseats, gave kisses and I love yous, then waved through sniffles as they pulled away in that white van.

4 days earlier, we'd gotten a call. Matt's been fielding them for a couple weeks now. After our first placement for a child that fell through after days of preparing and lots of tears, our house was "officially" open so the calls came pouring in. Our counting is over run with kids in the foster care system needing placements but for the most part can get them housed. Out of county placements have been the main phone calls we've received. With us being a last resort they're more willing to sign age wavers and such to make sure the kids at least stay in the state and in a home with a family rather than a shelter. The call we received Monday as we drove to meet my in-loves for dinner was for an out-of-county placement. Due to the age of the child we had to turn them away and reminded them the age range we were open for. She offhandedly said, "Well, I might call you back."

Sure enough, around bedtime she called us back. They still had 2 small boys needing placement of the sibling group in need. They wrote us a waver and gave us basic information then told us they would be to our home around midnight. Matt and I scurried around finishing nightly chores, tiding what would be their room, set up a crib, changed bedding, and tried to breath. We put on a movie in an attempt to stay awake. Midnight came and went. I finally closed my eyes on the couch and Matt woke me around 1:30 am on Tuesday morning to let me know they'd just pulled in the driveway.

I took a deep breath and followed him out into the dark, cold morning air to help scoop the little sleeping guys out of carseats and into our home. I held one boy as I signed papers and Matt tucked the little brother into his crib before returning to tuck big brother into bed. That was the easiest bedtime of the 4 we would have with little man. We washed their belongings and tried to go to bed ourselves.

They slept off the stress of the day before and stirred around 10:30 Tuesday morning. Our bright-eyed and bushy-tailed crew was chopping at the bit to meet them. Matt and I went in to get them ready for the day with fit-throwing "Pudding" and non-talking "Peanut". It was a jam-packed day with mandatory physicals and shopping at our local CALL Mall for clothes in the right sizes for our new friends and school, naps, dance and gymnastic classes for our girls, and grocery shopping somewhere in the middle of all that. We pulled it off working as a team with lots of flexibility and grace- and not the elegant ballet kind but the unjustly forgiving kind. Screaming commenced as bedtime rolled around and we fought it out for over an hour with "Pudding" but won as "Peanut" slept through the entire thing.

Wednesday was our first [close to] routine day we had. Everyone woke around the same time, we did breakfast, school {with our new friends}, daddy left for short time to get some work done, and best of all I didn't kill anyone during a 30 minute toddler-showdown that included kicking, screaming, and gnashing of teeth. We ate lunch, conquered protested naps, and then survived yet another new adventure with an afternoon full of movie time, dinner, and our new friends' first valley experience. This day the cutting eyes and icy glares lessened from "Pudding" and he began to become more snugly. "Peanut" fell right into place as if we were running a preK program and we got giggles, smiles, and even a few words {mainly spoken to our children}.

Thursday was hard with more mandatory team work between "Pudding" pulled his temporary cast off {meaning an orthopedic specialist appointment was added to the docket} and me already committed to working a consignment event an hour away. THIS is why DCSF is so insistent on foster families having a support system. You need extra arms and legs to love on children! With the help of my in-loves sitting with babies, Matt and I met up as we passed one another to switch vehicles for the evening. He

That brings us to today. Friday. This is our built-in catch up day for school and pretty much life. We'd completed everyone's school for the week so that means MOVIE DAY! The kids finished their chores, played with their new friends, and popped n a movie. Matt went to pickup our grown-buddy to take him to work and "Pudding ask to go along for the ride. No sooner than Matt has buckled him into the seat, we came back in because he'd gotten anther call. The court decided this morning that a relative was able to take the entire sibling group, including our 2 new little friends. Not only that but they would be here to pick the boys up in less than 2 hours.

I quickly reevaluated our picnic at the park plan as I secretly packed all their belongings into the bags they came with. I tried to hold it together while I put their art-work we'd made this week in their medical passports. I decided the park was happening and would be a good end to our fun week knowing it was going to be so hard. I packed a simple snack-lunch and had the kids scurry around cleaning up their toys and putting shoes on. Matt returned home and we all headed to the city park with our picnic in-tow.

It was beautiful weather and the kids got up and down from the the blanket in the shade over and over again. Different kids squabbled here and there about which part of the lunch they didn't like but all seemed to understand that was lunch. lol Towards the end, negotiations started and I compromised with "eat 1/2 of that and you can have more of this." Then it hit. "I don't want to eat [the minuscule piece of] cheese. I just want animal crackers!" Wow. Where did that come from timid, obedient, compliant, no-tears, brave "Peanut"?! The fit grew bigger and bigger as each kids got up from the blanket to play. From across the playground, Matt shrugged with a did-you-already-tell-him look as dude yelled and kicked. He would calm down and listen as I gave him his options, "eat the cheese and get the animal crackers OR don't eat the cheese and just go play with everyone else." Neither one of those sounded okay and the built up emotion inside of his tiny little body just kept overflowing disguised as rage flung in my direction.

I shook my head a Matt as I cleaned up our picnic spot and helped "Peanut" walk toward the playground with his angry face on. He stomped around the playground still confused about the real reason behind his hurt. Strangers had shown up as soon as we sat everyone down for lunch when we planned to tell everyone about the boys leaving so time was thinning as we gathered the kids on the opposite side of the toy to tell them. Arms crossed, lips puckered out, and brown nearly touching said lips, he sat as we tried to tell them that he "got" to go back and live with his relatives. The kids scattered and played for awhile, we gave to complementary 5-minute-warning, and then started to load. "Peanut" began SCREECHING as we walked to the car, stopping and mad.

In the car we laid out the timeout consequence if the temper-tantrum didn't stop. He listened and then started back up with even more passion. At home he went and stat on his bed to hopefully finish his fit. I went in a few minutes later. First I sat next to him as he cried. Then I scooped him into my lap and let him yell and cry on my chest. Then God told my heart to tell him, "You so brave. Monday was hard. Tuesday you woke up to strangers, Wednesday and Thursday you learned a new routine and family. And today all that sadness, fear, and anger came out when you weren't in charge of your lunch and ultimately not in charge of life right now. It's okay to be sad. Cry. and to be angry. I will hold you while your upset. It's not okay to turn those feeling onto other people. I love you. Jesus Loves You! And God has big plans for your life even though its hard right now." He sniffled a bit more and then let me rock him a bit longer. Then Grace.

Grace overlooked the well-earned timeout he was supposed to have and we sat on the couch, snuggling and watching a movie until his eyes caught the white van pull into the driveway. He breathed deep on my chest as he watched her walk to the door through the front window, anticipating the doorbell ringing. He walked with me as we answered the door then pouted as we gathered his new toys he's picked out at the CALL Mall Tuesday. I brought out backpacks and reassured him his cool new shirts and undies were all in there. Matt played with "Pudding" getting newly-found laughter and giant smiles out of him and "Peanut" couldn't decide how he felt about any of this.

She gathered their personal belongings and headed for the door with a quiet, "I'm gonna load these and then its time to go." As we found the remaining pieces of his toy he growled under his breath over and over again, "I want Animal Crackers!" to which I replied, "I want animal crackers, too!"

Filed Under: Cool Ministries, Foster Care and Adoption, Jesus Juked by My Kids, Parenting, The ones about the Rothacher Home

Indian Joyn Purse

July 28, 2015 by Jules Leave a Comment

In my Fair Trade Friday Club trail box, I received the gorgeous purse. The most beautiful part of this item were the 3 names, individually written, specifying who personally did each step of crafting this purse. Skimming my fingers across the ink, I can just imagine the sigh of relief that was breathed as each women pinned her name after her hard work was complete and she knew she was finally able to provide for her family.

Gagan, Samtagoh, and Serita, THANK YOU for your quality work and craftsmanship. This item will be used and treasured for years to come with it's thick fabric, tight piping, and sturdy magnetic snap.

“We are so thankful for this partnership. Our hear ts align and our missions align. Fair Trade Friday purchases JOYN products - each one made some of the most marginalized and oppressed people in the world - individuals with leprosy, disability, those who have grown up begging on the streets, former prostitutes, former addicts and your purchase employs at least 70 of our artisans with every order,"

-Melody, Joyn Founder, India

Interested in joining the Fair Trade Friday Club or Earring of the Month Club? click those highlighted thinks!

note: If there's a waiting list, DO IT anyways. That allows them to plan ahead and increase their boxes for members, product production, and inevitably empowered women working to provide for their families!