I've trained myself to say "No one is perfect. Everyone will disappoint you except Christ." but I often don't live this out.
I mean, I know that's true. I know having high expectations of people will always disappoint me but I don't know how to LIVE in that. I've always been told, "don't get your hopes up" and often I live in my negative little world telling myself the hopeful thing I wish to happen...won't. I do the same thing with people.
I jump all in; trying to love without restraint yet have no expectations. I look past the 'wet floor' signs. I run straight into the soaking wet floors of other people's lives. I get hurt. It sucks. But the awkward aftermath seems much worse. Don't get me wrong, I don't like the initial hurt but its the living life after the fall that is something I just don't know how to do.
I don't know how to live cautious but not scared. I don't know how to use wisdom and not over-analogize. How do I tip toe through with care, not knowing if its flooded or if it dry after being slightly damp and no one took the sign down hours {or years} before? Will I end up in the middle of a danger zone, catastrophized by unbearable disaster or just slip and bump my toosh?
I have high hopes for their life. I see potential. I know God could do unspeakable things through them.
Then. They just don't get it. They sin. They miss the bigger picture. They don't see what you saw for them. Or what I fantasized of them.
That's fine and well but I am terrible at living and loving through that. Relationships get weird. I get weird. I see them in an entirely new light. A tainted one. I still want to see them like Christ would- the complete product of His handy work.
I do this over and over again. Different seasons of life. Different kinds of relationships. Different hurts.
At the valley today we talked about the passover. I've heard Matt speak about the passover many times and even down to the logistical set up that was likely the seating arrangement but today I saw it differently. Something clicked. Well, less clicked more...ouched.
During the passover, these men would be reclining at a horseshoe shaped table. They would lean onto their left arm and eat with their right hand. There was even ritual seating arrangements for the guest. The youngest was probably sitting at the front of the table with no one reclining into him. Behind him would be the host. Then the person the host would lean back into for conversation would be considered the "person of honor".
You can send your questions about the details of this to Matt {at} the valley church {dot} org but that means John would have been 1st at the table, laying back into Jesus, who was laying back into Judas. Judas was in the seat of HONOR! This. Is. Convicting.
Jesus knew Judas was gonna be a tool and a sell out. He placed him in the seat of honor. Jesus knew! Jesus still honored Judas. He didn't just play nice, have polite chit chat, or smile and nod when they happened to pass one another. Jesus HONORS him. If anyone had an excuse to be a turd toward someone it would be JESUS. If any relationship would be understandably awkward, it would be this one! Jesus treats him no differently.
I'm baffled.
Where do I get off acting like I have any right to be weird toward people when they didn't do/act/say/smell the way I thought they ought.
Jesus, give me your eyes. Eyes to see your children how you see them. The potential. The real. The hurts. The strengths. Give me your love.
