Search Results for: dechurched

Relational Issues within the Church

October 21, 2015 by Jules Leave a Comment

I've been hurt as well as hurt others recently and in the past a lot. We're humans with dark, wicked, little hearts. It happens. Things are assumed, words are flung, and drama can take over while bitterness sets in if we're not careful. I've learned some things from all this reoccurring drama. Women are so confusing! Hahaha We all know that though. But really, it we an fix things while avoiding drama and bitterness. It's kinda like a flow chart:

I joke, but isn't this our life as Christian women? Waiting for someone to do something thoughtless, selfish, or just dumb. It's exhausting on all kinds of levels. One of the biggest factors I've had to deal with is peoples misconstrued expectations of a relationship. Usually its an unbalanced "friendship" where one person is pulling most of the weight.

Kathy Escobar has an awesome description of relationships with non-believers where she explains how to become incarnation. You may want to look her's explanation but this is how I understand it and think it can be applied to all relationships. Who are you in any given relationship dynamic?

Paternal- The person who always assumes the provider roll in a relationship. Does life TO others placing themselves in a position "over" others. Meeting needs in the most logical ways. This creates oppression and set positions.

Maternal- The person who always assumes the fix-it roll in a relationship. Does life FOR others placing themselves in a position "under" others. Meeting emotional needs, providing counseling, encouragement, and advise. This creates bondage and codependency.

Siblimatic {my word, her's being Incarnational}- The person who gives and takes. Does life WITH people as an equal, leveling the balance of "power".

I'm sure identifying these categories in others was easy but did you see yourself in any of these? Some times these are heightened among those relationships we build within the Church. Whether that be with the pastor and his wife or other church members. I've seen it happen over and over again, where people have been or will become de-churched based on relational hurts. Sometimes pressures to be everyone or no one's BFF is heavy on clergy and often relationships are lop-sided- one of those unhealthy dynamics.

The main theme here is give-and-take. I think its hard to admit, we are not really "friends" with everyone we know and I might be the first to tell you this but...That Is Okay. Understanding the dynamic of a relationship can fix poor expectations and avoid drama and or bitterness when those expectations aren't met.

I've both had to admit I can't be everyone's friends as well as not everyone wants to actually be my friend. I have to be alright with this, not become too hard on myself, and take solace in the fact that Jesus had a variety of different types relationships. Jesus was always willing to give more than He took, He was fully God and fully man, therefore we should become self-less in our relationships, avoiding self-righteousness when others don't follow suit.

Do you have any other questions we could ask ourselves in determining our relational dynamics?

Filed Under: as Jules is living, The DeChurched

An Open Letter to Our Former Youth Group

January 14, 2015 by Jules Leave a Comment

Dear former youth group,

I'm here to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry we told you not have sex, do drugs, or drink alcohol. I'm sorry we guilted you into devoting your midweek to our service rather than your God-given-interest. I'm sorry we taught you self-righteous religion rather than the true character of God.

Here's the thing. The Bible isn't a book mostly about YOU and what YOU should be doing. It's a book about GOD and what HE has done.

We unintentionally taught you that that every story in the Bible somehow points to you. We explained that your behavior was the ultimate dictator of salvation. Though we never would have come out and said it knowing it was totally false, we let you believe that your behavior swayed God in some way, good or bad. We painted a picture of God as a Santa-figure who sees you when you were sleeping, sees when you're awake, knows if you've been bad or good, so please be good for goodness sake.

The Bible does have guidelines for how life works best. Why wouldn't it. It's a story about the Creator and His creation. It's bound to come up because the story of God and what He's done is made even more amazing in light of how things were supposed to work, how we jaked it up, and how His genius master plan is going to redeem us even though we don't deserve anything.

Many of you in our youth group were coming to 'church' alone. You're parents weren't devout Christ-followers or even if they were, they were possibly relying on us to teach about God. Most adult use youth group like a public school, trusting that the fundamentals of "Christianity" are the responsibility of the staff at a 'church'. Because of that, I'm even more sorry we didn't show you complete truths.

Every story in the Bible points to Jesus. Not you. You're not supposed to attempt to find yourself in the stories of Noah, Mosis, or David. You're supposed to seek God and His kingdom. Every story whispers His name.

As I watch you grow-up, go to college, move, get jobs, get married, have kids I see religion failing you. No matter how much attempting to be 'good' you can handle it will always leave you empty. Life won't unfold into the christian-karma-crap we filled you with. Because of that you will run. You are running. You're leaving the Church in droves because morality has failed you.

I'm sorry I helped lead you to this place but now I'm hear to fight to lead you back to Christ. To show you His true character. Every aspect of our life bleeds the DNA of who we think God is. Your view of who God is the foundation for your belief system and you believe system determines your actions. Out of our love for you in our youth group, we targeted the only thing we could see, your actions, in an attempt to determine if you were a Christ-follower.

Maybe we had a savior complex, maybe we were just that ingnorant. Painting a picture of a self-serving, smoke and lights, hype and games, fame and fortune religion remorsefully. God's taught us so much over the last few years and we hope to chase down the dechurched generation that we had a hand in running off.

Sincerely yours,

Regretful Youth Pastors of Generation Xers and Millennials

Filed Under: as Jules is living, The DeChurched, The DeChurched, The ones about the Rothacher Home, The Ones about The Valley Church

Sheep Bite

January 10, 2014 by Jules Leave a Comment

Sometimes we break past the stereotypes. Sometimes its fun to pretend those we are reaching, the unchurched & dechurched aren't like other "church" people. We act like those typical things in 'other' churches isn't going to happen here. And sometimes...that's true.

...As just another sheep in the herd trying to help the other sheep find and follow the Shepherd, we have to remember who we are here to please. When our husbands, or we, don't live up to the expectations we've set for ourselves or by others, sometimes, we get bit. Its gonna sting. We may need recovery time. But if we are sticking to God's plan, it will be worth it!" [continue reading...]

Filed Under: The Ones about A Common Bond, The ones about the Rothacher Home, The Ones about The Valley Church

We sold, borrowed, and bought

January 2, 2014 by Jules Leave a Comment

2013 has been memorable to say the least. I've always dreamed of living an adventurous life but I never imagined a single year that included all that we experienced this year.

We sold, borrowed, and bought a home. This was stressful and fun at different times. Having commuted both a long and short distance, we were more than ecstatic to finally find a new home to settle into.

We launched a church. We called ourselves "lifers" in youth ministry and didn't think we even liked adults but God changed our hearts in a huge way and started a new passion for chasing down the dechurched.

We survived all kind of family adventures. Satan attacked in physical realms including a family-wide stomach bug. We had lots of fun aspects like bowling, living near a farm, visiting the zoo and the wonder place, and then there's always the random excuses to dress-up and eat some Chick-fil-a or have parties with our valley family. Through flat tires, sickness, travel, trips, and so much more, we've grown even closer than we already were- we are a stronger team!

I crafted! You all know that crafting, redoing furniture, and decorating a home has been a huge part of this past year because I've been sharing all the fun. I was disappointed with myself for a while because I'd gotten away from sharing stories of real life and things God was teaching me. I'd begun to share nothing but how-tos. I thought I'd commit to "getting back to my routes" in 2014 but God has taught me that I can honor Him in all I do, including crafting, and I can still do both in this space. Hopefully in the near future I can make it easier to navigate and find specific things you're looking for.

We attempted to start "real school" {aka Kindergarten}. I tried to start with a big bang but have ended up just doing the basics from our HIPPY program. Again, trying to rid myself of the mom-guilt, I am okay with having a simple school year while we focus on establishing a new rhythm in a new home, town, church, and with a new baby. Maybe this semester...or next year will look more like my ideal.

I attended an awesome bloggers' conference. God used some amazing Godly ladies at Allume to show me that blogging can be part of my life and I don't have to feel guilty about it. I can use it like anything else to help disciple my children as well as use it to keep me accountable for doing fun stuff with my littles.

We closed out the year with adding sweet Elizabeth Rae to our family. We have always planned to 'have' four kids so this felt like completing our family with Ellie's arrival. We'd LOVE to be able to adopt in the future and experience the fullness of what it means to be adopted into Christ's family.

So, what does this year hold? What are my goals/resolutions? What plans do I have for my family, church, blog? What's my 'word for the year'?

I don't know. Last year, my 'word' was purposeful. I had an ideal vision of what that looked like and didn't quite accomplish that although Christ redeems everything, even the seemingly insignificant things like a word of the year. He has shown me that even when I don't feel purposeful, HE can give it purpose. He can make it count as something. Worth something.

Although I wasn't as strategic as I'd hoped in nearly ever area of my life, God taught me its okay to not have a detailed plan. It's okay to be loved on and rest in certain seasons. It's alright. We're not perfect. We're all a mess that's been washed clean by Jesus and I'm going to rest in that in 2014. I can't wait to see what kind of adventure our family will journey through this year.

Filed Under: The ones about the Rothacher Home

Top 10 Count Down of 2012

December 31, 2012 by Jules Leave a Comment

2012 has been...Crazy full. I'm thinking my one word for next year needs to be "simplify".

I started setting up this site in January of last year and then launched it on February 1st 2012. I had only started blogging about 7 months before that and fell in love with it right way. I had forgotten how much I loved writing. Some days my poor mamma brain doesn't have enough juices flowing to write anything but a "Thoughtful Thursday" but even giving how-tos gives me a smile. Half the time I'm reading a blog it's for a how-to. I love when I find out those I'm reading love Jesus.

You may have noticed I don't have a category or tab about "christian __" or "God ____" or anything of the sort. I believe just like I've found on these other blogs that when you love Jesus it will ooze out into everything you write. When you become a Christ-follower that doesn't mean the personality God gave you goes away. You should have to only read things about specific Bible verses. Everything you own doesn't have to have some cheesy scripture reference on it. You don't have to sing The Wheels on the CHURCH Bus Go Round and Round to teach your children God's love. That's why here on my tiny slice of the net I'm trying to share Christ as I am going.

We've gone through different themes on the 'old site' and even some major visual changes here. You put up with my typos and bad spelling. God has blessed me so much through this little community. You guys {well...prolly mostly ladies} have been such an encouragement as I've tried to share the realness of my life here. THANKS!

I thought it would be fun to share the "Top 10" post {according to my stat counter} of 2012. Without further ado:

Top 10 Count Down of 2012

Tied for 10th place are That day and 5 Days of Organizing & Cleaning TOYS into Centers: Selecting

It felt really good to write out "That Day" and the 2nd two post about my journey through depression. I learned more than a few of my friends are going through the same things and simply putting it into words was therapeutic even before the positive feedback. It totally lead me being gutsy enough to publish more realness. There are too many Pinterest-esk blogs out there that make us all hate ourselves.

5 Days of Organizing was really cool to see at the top of the chart as well. Since this past year, the trend seems to have been, I write a post about some kind of system or organization I'm starting and the next month it flops because of lack of energy on my part. The toy "Centers" in our house may not flow like a preschool with the Velcro names I made and are now missing but at least everything still has it's place and the kids can find things super easy! There may be a follow-up on this post, How-To Create "Centers" in a SMALL home, if we ever get to move ;o)

9th place So...my husband went back to prison yesterday...

This was a fun post to write trying to see the positives of handing over my hubs to the AR Department of Corrections for 3 months. That's how I roll. I can totally be serious when necessary but some times you can do nothing but joke about something to get through it!

8th place DIY Address Plaque {Thoughtful Thursday}

I laughed when I saw this one climbing. If you are a Facebook friend of mine, you KNOW I am slightly obsessed with taking pictures...of everything! I happen to be making an address plaque for our home before we listed it for sale and decided to share it since it didn't turn out terrible. Thank you Pinterest for pinners liking a simple project, even if mine is a little off centered ;o)

7th Place The night I Almost got Scammed by the "US Military"

Again with the have-to-laugh just to get through a retarded situation. I think I lost my lil mom-brain for 1/2 a second on this one. Matt was gone to camp, our jeep just exploded and we were in need of a car. I LOVE deals of any kind and I almost got scammed in the process. Apparently sharing this escapade has helped several people not get scammed by the same people. Your welcome scammers ;o)

6th Place The New Adventure

I've enjoyed sharing updates on our life. THIS was a huge life change and I think lots of our friends were surprised to hear we were heading out on a new {slightly off base for us} adventure after 2 short years in a new town as youth ministers. I was {and still am} excited to talk about this New Adventure God is taking us on BUT this was just a 'teaser' to send everyone to my hubby's blog where he shared the news.

5 Golden RIIIIINGS! Ooops, I mean 5th place Who are the dechurched?

I probably owe a lot of this popularity to a lil blog called the Bohemian Bowmans who guest posted for me. Knowing that a large portion of Vilonia {the town we're moving to start our new adventure} is made up of the "De-Churched" I knew I wanted to share about that on here. Since I'm technically not de-churched, I wanted a perspective from someone who was and had shared about it often. I stepped out on a ledge and took a chance by asking a blogger I read weekly to guest post on this topic. Jessica agreed and I think it helped my readers, friends, and potential new 'church members' understand our heart at The Valley. It also got my name out there and landed me an interview with Vivienne McNeny {download HERE}. God is GOOD! He wants His gospel out there even more than we do! duh

4th Place My Laundry Room Smells Like Poop {Thoughtful Thursday}

Slap stick comedy works in blog titles, too. I amuse myself by trying to come up with catchy titles that will draw people. Hopefully after they're hear, have read the title and the possibly alluring intro, they are too disappointed with the rest of what's offered. B'wahahaha In my defense, an uncleaned front loader really does smell like poop!

3rd Place DIY Organic Bloom Fram(Sugar & Spice Baby Shower) {Thoughtful Thursday}

I had fun writing this and almost feel bad it made it on the top 10...it's a contributing post for the Homemaker's Challenge. Most of the traffic is coming from search engines. I hope everyone isn't too made that the article isn't here, are clicking over to that site and giving them as many hits. I love contributing there!!!

2nd Place Tutu Table Skirt (Sugar & Spice Baby Shower) {Thoughtful Thursday}

Thanks Ash-bee for having your beautiful Amelia!!! I got to help throw a baby shower for our little princess complete with tutus! This was so fun and easy to make I couldn't keep it to myself! Thanks Christi from P is for Party for the inspirational picture!

aaaand {drum roll please}....the 1st place, most read/view blog post of 2012 iiiiis:

How-To Make Preschool "Centers" at HOME

This is the original, forever-long, thrown-together post I published about my kids toys shortly after we got our new flooring last year. I had a boost of energy with the clean new feel and went to town organizing the kids already organized toys. This post was later turned into the 5 day extended version with even more detail as to why we have the toys we have.

Some of my all time favorites have been more story-like posts but I think I like the idea of having that documentation for when I'm old and more senile.